Letting it Get This Way

I got the humbling again today. Usually, the humblings of this magnitude are reserved for when I work out in the presence of Matt or Jinbao, but this time, it was from my (thesis) advisor. He dressed down my dissertation again, which didn't bother me so much -- he wants it better and will get it that way, and he wants me capable of producing it on my own. I'm thankful for that.

The part that does bother me is that apparently, as has been indicated to said advisor by several of my previous teachers, nearly all of my coursework over the past six years as a graduate student has suffered from a consistent feature that is quite undesirable and is the primary shortcoming of my thesis now. Instead, though, of correcting that in me and garnishing in me the ability to present the material in a way that is acceptable, the practiced approach is to never tell me about the problem and to wait for my advisor to address it, rather harshly, some years later after the habit and design are well built into me, as if I should have realized by now that it was an issue by some incredible feat of self-examination. It is definitely something that could have been corrected, and proper habits could have been nurtured and developed instead of the ones I now have and am fighting to change.

What bothers me most is that it was let go for six years, never addressed before now, though clearly complained about. How did it happen that this much time went by simply allowing me to do things in a way deemed problematic? Hell, I think it was even, at times, encouraged as identifying my "style" or "voice." If this was a job, then certainly I would have been reviewed before this. If this was my education... oh wait, it is my education. Hmm....

What does that have to do with training Yin Style, i.e. what justifies its presence here? It makes me grateful for the corrections and efforts that are plainly extended by Matt and Jinbao (primarily) as well as others to correct me (and others) as well as possible as soon as a problem is evident. With my education, I'm left feeling a bit cheated, but with YSB, that's not a problem because, though tough, Matt and Jinbao don't let us slide (I hope... I'm a little mistrustful of such things for the moment). Thus, this is a call to everyone who has ever had their little egos smashed in seeing how far they have to go in Yin Style and how hard it can be to get there (and even how ugly they might be making it): at least someone is telling you, so be thankful and take the suggestions (not as criticism) to heart!

So, to anyone that wants to teach me: you can be tough on me any time. I know you're doing it because you want to see me reach my potential. Just don't do me the discourtesy of letting me continue to suck for years without mentioning it to me, or if you do, do me the courtesy of not being pissed at me when I'm not what I should be.