Tenacity

"I'm not the smartest or naturally the best, but I have the best heart. That's how I got to where I am." -He Jinbao

That's what Jinbao said to the group after he wondered aloud if I was smart enough for this art a few years ago in the dawn of my training. Later, he told me that I "have a lot of things messed up, but my heart is good," which, looking back at it now, seems like a decent complement. I'm taking that way regardless.

This art is hard. My learning curve for physical things, in my estimation, is rather steep (in the meaning that it requires quite a bit of investment on my part to get anywhere). This is something I've lived in my years of studying karate and seems to apply even more strongly to baguazhang. Putting those things together makes this art a particular challenge for me to excel at, but I want to live by the words that Jinbao said a few years ago, probably trying to soften the blow that could have been taken as quite rude. I want to make sure that I keep my heart, my drive, my yi, if you will, the best it can be. I'm not the strongest. I'm not the fastest. I'm not the most nimble or flexible. As I was reminded the other day, though, I do have a lot of tenacity, and I intend to keep it that way.

That means getting up and doing drills a lot, and it means focusing on the intended outcome despite the fact that the drill is more difficult that way. That, in fact, has been my biggest challenge over the last few weeks: making sure I'm concentrating on quality output slows me down to the point where I wouldn't be keeping up with the cadence of a group training session. On the other hand, speeding the drill up to executable speed often causes it to become mechanical and empty. Thus, I have to stay at it and not be discouraged. Then, even when I'm sore and tired and ready for something else (like a mojito), I make time to stand and turn. I don't stand for as long as I should, I'm sure, and I rarely turn as often or for as long as I intend, but I'm trying hard to keep up with life and with my intention to train as fully as is possible.

Recently I've started to put more intention into my training, as I indicated, in all aspects. I want my turning to contain the spirit of fighting. I want my standing to contain the actions and goals of the entire system as well as the palms I'm training. I want my drills to be active and alive and vividly effective in my mind's eye. I want my applications to extend from those so that I get a good result from them with a minimum of required effort. I want my saber practice to be realistic as well, not merely going through techniques and holding onto that heavy-ass thing for dear life (at least for the life of the tendons in my wrists and shoulders). I want to get it and to get good at it. There's only one way to achieve those ends: tenacity. I have to be serious enough to put myself through the physical demands and serious enough to keep my mind active and focused despite the temptations to slip into a more mechanical practice. I have to be serious enough to get up again today and train again today even when it's a sheer act of will to get started or continue. Sticking with it and paying serious attention is quite obviously the only way.

Behind all of my training, I want to be able to look back at it when I'm finished for the day and say: "therein was the heart of the Lion."