Redefining Can't

After an outstanding workshop in VT led by Matt, I've come home with yet another moment in my life where Yin Style Baguazhang has absolutely obliterated my previous notions of the word "can't." It did so in many ways, but none so powerfully as my rather pitiful first experience with the dadao, the bagua big saber. I wanted it to be better, willed it even, but it pretty much only got worse. My spirit was willing, as they say, but my flesh failed (and some of it hurt probably more than it ever has before -- swelling up, bilaterally, as it did). It was sad really, and I feel a bit let down with myself -- though encouraged to change!

The saber, to be clear, is totally awesome, and I was totally unprepared for it. It absolutely laid me to waste and opened my eyes fully to the fact that I really need to work on developing fuller full-body strength and coordination -- two things my bagua practice is really dependent on and currently lacking sorely. It also opened my eyes to possibilities since everyone else there handled it vastly better than I did, a point which Matt made shockingly clear when I was already painfully aware of it. He was even nicer, I'd guess, than I probably deserved on it (meaning he didn't get vituperative with me), which I'm pretty glad for because I was feeling like a major sissy. It's most accurate to say he turned up the contrast for me just enough to drive the point fully home (for which I'm thankful). I know... strength comes over time, but my showing was pretty poor nonetheless. This experience, pitiful as it might sound, was in no way negative (except the bugs, maybe, which kind of sucked).

There are many technicalities (many on vectors) I've brought home and already started to integrate into my training (yes, I trained today, the day after a workshop ended, despite getting only about 5 hours sleep, getting up at 4:30 am, traveling about 1100 miles, and having worked all day to catch up on what I missed and cover my daily usual), but I think the most profound changes that occurred for me and my training are a change of horizons, a clearer understanding of the possibilities that lie in store if I (properly and intelligently) follow the age-old advice put out so many times so plainly by JB and everyone that has earned skill in this art: "if you want to get good, practice a lot." Well, that and a firmer grasp on how to put my mind into my training and a sincere excitement to do so.

I have only a huge thanks to offer to all you guys that were in VT this weekend, thanks and a promise to use what you all gave me (salubriously).